My daughter, Kylie, is 17 months old, and as we slowly near
the end of our breastfeeding journey, it amazes me to look back and reflect on
how we got here.
To begin with, Kylie is the daughter I was told I would probably
never have. Being obese, I was told by an OB/GYN that the chances of me ever
conceiving were in the single digits, so I should not get my hopes up unless I
was willing to lose a significant amount of weight. Not once, did he mention a condition called
PCOS, much less the fact that everything pointed to me having it.
So, when my husband and I decided to try to have a baby, I
went to get tested to see if it would ever be possible. It was then, with my current OB/GYN, I
learned of the PCOS diagnosis. With
several rounds of fertility medications, a lot of prayer, and close monitoring,
I gave birth to our daughter via Cesarean section on Saturday, March 22, 2014.
I was told in the hospital it might not be possible to
exclusively breastfeed because, in many cases, women with PCOS do not produce
enough milk. I was told the only hope I had was diligently pumping both breasts
after every feeding. Talk about an overwhelming burden while recovering from
major surgery and learning to care for a newborn. Add to that the alarm from
the hospital pediatrics staff that insisted I schedule our first appointment
with our pediatrician the day after I left the hospital because Kylie had
already lost 10% of her body weight while we were in the hospital. I was
absolutely terrified the hospital staff was right, and the very thought
devastated me.
Needless to say, when we went to the pediatrician, I went in
defeated, so afraid she was going to tell us we had to supplement; that I had
failed. Imagine my surprise when she told me to forget everything they told me
at the hospital. She was having plenty of wet and dirty diapers, so she was
fine. She then recommended the lactation consultant she had used with her
children and told me she would come to my house and help me make sure things
were going as well as they could.
The lactation consultant was amazing. After spending an hour
with us, she helped me correct her latch and showed me several positions that
were more comfortable for both of us and we were off and running. My first goal was to exclusively breastfeed
for 6 months.
When we hit the 6 month mark, I was so happy we made
it. Of course, along the way, I had
stopped pumping after every feeding, and was in fact lucky to pump once a
day. Taking care of a newborn and nursing
while trying to work from home proved to be quite the chore. When it was time for Kylie to go into
Mother’s Day Out 2 days a week so I could go in to work, I realized pretty
quickly that there was no way for me to pump enough to supply breast milk exclusively
for her while she was there. The first
day I had to send bottles containing both breast milk and formula, I
cried. Once again, I felt like I had
failed. It took me a little while to
come to terms with the fact I was doing the best I could do for her, and that
was enough.
At 17 months, we are still breastfeeding. She is now going to a Montessori school full
time during the week, and she understands completely that when she is not with
me, she gets milk from her straw cup, and eats regular food. She is growing so much. But, every day, when we get home from school,
the first thing she wants to do is have “milkies” with mommy. The sessions are growing shorter, but the
desire is still there. Sometimes she may
only nurse for 5 minutes, and then she if off to whatever it is she wants to do
or play. At night, she snuggles with me
and nurses to sleep, and if she wakes up in the middle of the night, I am right
there to comfort her back to sleep.
My goal now is to make it to 2 years. As our breastfeeding journey nears its end, I
am so grateful that I did not listen to those that said it might not be
possible, and instead followed my heart and pushed myself to defy them. I will cherish the memories so much.
Our entire story is one of defying the odds and not giving
up.
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