Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Finally Successful – Tasha’s Story



I had my first child when I was almost 23. I had only seen one woman breastfeed a child, the wife of a business associate of my husband. Needless to say we became fast friends when I found out I was pregnant. I even ended up choosing her obstetrician to have my child. Before meeting her I had never even given a thought to how babies are fed. My mother had my half-sister when I was 9 and she never mentioned anything about milk coming from her breast. Babies drank formula from a bottle what other option was there? 

 

While pregnant with my daughter I wanted NOTHING more than to mimic what I saw my friend do. She held her baby close, placed her nipple in the baby’s mouth, the baby made such sweet little suckling sounds, she rubbed her tenderly, and they shared such a sweet bond. She also pumped a gracious amount for her baby so she could go back to work. I wouldn't have to do that so this would be so easy. I’d latch her throughout the day and we would be the best of friends. I had no clue how very wrong that was.

 


 I had a speedy hospital birth. There was meconium present when they broke my water so they took her immediately to suction her. After a few minutes she was back in my arms wrapped tight like a baby burrito. She was so small and sweet and so much red hair, my little NYE baby. When the nurse helped latch her on, she clamped down like a "champ". I was shocked by the pain but I was breastfeeding my baby just like my friend. This was going to be easy. I was so very wrong. We left the hospital went home alone and settled into life as a family of three. After several sleepless nights, having no clue what we were doing, we went to her first pediatrician checkup. I followed my friend’s advice and used her breastfeeding friendly doctor. Baby is weighed, measured, looked over and then bomb came. After comparing her birth information from the hospital and her current stats she was "failure to thrive" on breast milk alone. We would need to come back in a few days and if she wasn't gaining properly she would need to be placed on formula. As a new young mother all I heard was you are starving your child.

 

I called my friend crying, she said go to the Breastfeeding Center at the hospital and see an IBCLC for an evaluation. The next day, this time alone, I went to see the "nursing specialist" for a latch evaluation. She told me to undress the baby, weigh her, feed her and weigh her again. She aggressively shoved my nipple in my baby’s mouth and walked out. I cried, the baby cried; we just sat there together crying for what seemed like forever. Another nurse came in, calmed us down and helped me. After nursing my daughter on both sides, she was weighed again. The IBCLC nurse said it didn't appear that the baby was getting enough milk; that it was possible that my extremely large breasts were not allowing the milk ducts to properly fill and I may not ever be a successful breastfeeding mother. She sent me home with a box of formula. I was devastated. I again called my friend and she let me borrow her pump. After 20 minutes of pumping on each side, I got 2 ounces from my left breast and a few drops from my right. My daughter cried all the time and I just knew I was starving her. I gave her a bottle of formula and she never latched back on. I battled postpartum depression and anxiety the following 12 months. I didn't leave my house unless I was driven somewhere for fear I would follow through on the crazy thoughts that lived in my head. We never talked about having more children as I personally couldn't imagine going through all the emotional pain of PPD & PPA again. 

 



However 8 years later, after I had to take a 4 week medical break in birth control pills to do hormonal testing, I found out I was pregnant. I was so nervous but also so excited to try it all again. The pain of PPD and PPA had worn off and all I could think about was holding a little baby at my breast again. I would succeed at nursing my baby, which was my only goal.  At my 12 week sonogram appointment we learned our baby had stopped developing at almost 9 weeks and that I would soon have a miscarriage. A few days later, in the quiet of the night, I birthed our sweet angel baby at home.

 

We decided as a family to try for one more baby. I got pregnant quickly and we chose to go to a small local doctor and hospital since I was told I was a fast birther.  In the spring of 2012, after a membrane sweep and aggressive labor, I gave birth to a white-blond mohawked baby boy. I placed him on my breast immediately and let him find the nipple on his own, just like I had studied. I still didn't have a great personal support system and was mostly winging it but I did however have the internet and social media, so I would be successful this time. The same issues started to arise. My sweet son wasn't gaining enough weight and this time I was in immense pain. My nipples burned, itched and throbbed. Maybe this was what success felt like. I really had no clue. At his 2 week checkup the doctor wasn't impressed with his latch and he had thrush. That was a new word; I took the cream, did what they said and kept my head down determined. But I was hurting and bleeding and dreading each nursing session. He nursed nonstop, cried all the time, we never slept and the baby blues started to feel like PPD again and I was scared. I took to social media and sought help. I looked up thrush and found natural ways to cure it. However, nothing was working. At his two month appointment we both still had thrush and he still wasn't where he needed to be growth wise. I told the doctor what the nurse had said all those years ago and she agreed; maybe I just wasn’t meant to breastfeed my children. 

 





This sweet baby girl is my third child. After not having had a successful nursing relationship with my older two children, I declared while pregnant, that I would nurse this baby as long as possible and not stop for any reason. Even if I had to supplement, I would still nurse when I could. We had a rough start and I had thrush again. I was beyond determined this time. I didn’t give in and started an antifungal diet to eliminate all yeast from my body. She also has a lip tie but it hasn't caused too many issues other than some sore nipples. As of writing this (2/4/15), we have made it almost 8 months and there is no end in sight. She is an amazing nurser and I must say the fattest little chunk ever. 

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