As for breastfeeding story, I
nursed Gage and Claire until they were 23 and 24 months. It was not easy to
start. Both had nipple confusion that was expressed in different ways; Claire
refused to latch and Gage caused me a lot of pain. Both never seemed to gain
enough weight to make the doctors happy and were always very small. People
would always comment on how small they were and I would feel like what I could
give them wasn't good enough. When they were 8 weeks old I couldn't take the
pain anymore and was about to give up but knew that wasn't really what I
wanted. What I wanted was it to work for
us.
My mom helped me find local
peer to peer support group which made a world of difference. From then on every
day got a little better until they were 5 months or so and I finally felt like
"Hey, I got this!" They never gained a ton of weight but enough that
the doctor didn't complain. They were always small and we did supplement with
formula for a little bit but mostly they were breastfed. From then on
breastfeeding was not just to nourish my children, it helped put them to sleep
at night and comforted them when they were hurt or scared. After they were
around 15 months we started dropping a feeding, not on purpose but just because
they were so busy exploring the world until effectually they didn't nurse at
all. And that part of their life was over. I was sad it was over but so
grateful for all that we had overcome and accomplished. I learned so much from
my experiences.
When I became pregnant with
my third baby, I knew that there was no question that we were going to
breastfeed. Despite what I learned from the twins, I still was worried that we
might have problems. I originally planned a birthing center birth because I
felt like some of the problems I faced with the twins was made worse by the
hospital staff after their birth. I ended up delivering Ava in a hospital but
things where much different. Maybe because she was a vaginal birth, full term,
and a singleton made the difference. I also knew it was ok to stand up to the
hospital staff and say "No, she is breastfeeding and can't have a
bottle/pacifier etc." Things were not easy at the beginning and I did have
a lot of pain and discomfort in the beginning. It still took 5 days for my milk
to come in and she took longer than the doctors would have liked to regain her
birth weight but this time I didn't wait 8 weeks to get help. When Ava was 4
days old I had a trusted IBCLC come over and help me with her. She helped me
with my twins and I knew her insight was invaluable. When she left I had a
sense of peace and knew I could do this. Things still didn't go just as I had
planned. I thought since I nursed twins, I would have a chunky baby who would
gain quicker than I could keep up with but she is just like her brother and
sister and just gained the minimum amount. This time I have a new doctor who
trusts breastfeeding and says that she may be small but she is doing great.
By the time she was 5 weeks old I had that feeling of "I got
this". I've learned to accept that I do not make huge babies and that's
ok. She is healthy and thriving and I am making the best decision for my
baby. I learned that breastfeeding didn't have to be all or nothing and
"success" can look different for everyone.
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