Hang in There – Courtney’s Journey

I was 9 years old when I had a conversation with my best friend about wanting to breastfeed whenever I had a baby. I still to this day have no idea where that thought came from because at that time I had never seen anyone breastfeed their babies. Eight years ago my first job out of nursing school was on a Labor and Delivery unit. As part of my orientation process I had to shadow the lactation nurse and take a 2 day class on breastfeeding. Learning about all the benefits of breastfeeding really excited me. It was then that my passion for breastfeeding began. I knew once I had kids that they would be breastfed. I currently teach a breastfeeding class at one of the local hospitals. I truly enjoy this teaching this class and helping new moms. 

In April 2014 I gave birth to a perfect baby boy we named Cade. Aside from getting to meet my baby, I was most excited to finally have the opportunity to breastfeed. That is where my trouble started. I had so much trouble getting him to latch. It was really painful but I kept telling myself just give it 2 weeks like everyone says and it will get better. I had 4 different lactation nurses help me while I was still in the hospital. When I got home I had one of my co-workers who is a lactation consultant come to my house to help me and I even went to a different co-workers house so she could help me. I was so frustrated. After all I had helped countless women breastfeed and I teach the class, why am I not getting this. Finally after 3 weeks of a still painful latch we went and saw a different lactation consultant. She thought I should see a pediatric dentist because the baby could possibly have a tongue or lip tie. We made an appointment and sure enough Cade had and upper lip tie. We did the laser procedure to release the lip tie and within a few days the latch was much better. 

Then cluster feeding started. I didn't feel prepared for that. Cade would literally nurse 4-5 hours straight. That lasted about 2 weeks. That was by far the most challenging part of nursing. So many nights I wanted to quit. I would cry and cry and I felt like such a failure. I could just hear my friend’s voice in my head saying "I told you so". This is not how this is supposed to go. How was I going to go back to teaching the breastfeeding class I loved so much when I had failed? I kept at it and day by day it got better and easier. 

I had to go back to work when Cade was just 3 months old. It was challenging to learn and organize pumping. It didn't help I had a new job as an OB home health nurse which means I was essentially driving all day. I have to pump while driving. I don't know what I'm going to say if I get pulled over ;). 

I can't put into words the feeling I get when Cade looks up at me with those big brown eyes, or when he rests his hand on my chest, or reaches up to touch my face. Nursing my baby is by far the best decision I have made in my life. I know I am truly giving my baby the best and I absolutely have no regrets. All the sleepless nights, all the crying, and all the frustrating days are completely worth it. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I truly enjoy our nursing sessions even more now especially since I'm working during the day.  

I love that I'm also beating the odds. I saw no one breast feeding and the images I did see, were not of African American women. I wasn't encouraged much by my family either. They weren't discouraging but they would ask things like "when is he getting a bottle?" or "are you STILL breastfeeding"? ( he was 6 weeks old at the time). Mom still asks periodically "how long do you plan on doing that for?". Well I'm proud to say we are almost 10 months and still going strong. My best advice to new nursing moms is to hang in there. If you need help don't feel ashamed. Take advice from people who have done it and been successful,  not those who wish they could have or chose not to. Don't give up. Don't give in to the naysayers. Don't let them win. There will be long days and sleepless nights but it is all worth it and it all goes by way too fast. 

I'm not sure when I'll be done nursing but I know my days are numbered. It will be bitter sweet because I love nursing and I know I will miss it but being done will bring so much freedom. So until that day comes I cherish every second I get to latch my baby on and look into those cute little eyes. My wish is that every mom and baby could experience the joy and closeness nursing brings. It is truly what our bodies were designed to do and nursing is by far my biggest accomplishment.