Traumatic Birth to Healing Birth – Success for Cassie and her Children

My name is Cassie. I am a married stay at home mom to 2 beautiful kids. My son Landyn is 2, and my daughter Madelyn just turned 1 at the end of March. I would like to say my nursing journey began a little less than 3 years ago after I had my firstborn. I was very adamant about nursing him. It was something that I really felt passionate about and that I wanted to do. I was young when I was pregnant with him (18) so I wasn't very informed about nursing.  However, my husband was very supportive and I felt confident that we could do it.

I had my son on September 20, 2012. Sadly it was a traumatic birth, pushed induction and he ended up being whisked away from me after birth due to us both having a slight temperature. I didn’t even get to see my son. We didn’t get to do skin to skin or anything that is so critical to those first 24 hours of a nursing relationship. A few hours later I finally got to go down and see my son. They gave him a pacifier and sugar water, along with formula even though I requested them not to. I felt like our relationship was being neglected already. He had to stay in the NICU for 48 hours so that alone affected nursing. Soon after coming home we stopped nursing. It was frustrating. I couldn’t figure it out and I was already feeling disconnected from my son. I didn't have the proper tools, or correct information about breastfeeding.

After that whole experience I started dealing with severe postpartum depression. I beat myself up for not being able to nurse my son and comfort him the way I felt was right. I felt like I was missing out on a very important bond between us. There were times when my husband could comfort him more than I could. I felt helpless, like he didn't like me and that I couldn't comfort him or follow my instincts like I so badly wanted to be able to do. I felt like such a failure.

I suffered with depression for about 10 months. Soon after this time I became pregnant with my daughter. I started planning my healing birth. I became educated about breastfeeding. There was no way I was going to let anything get in the way of our nursing relationship! I had my beautiful daughter via a natural water birth on March 31, 2014. It was the most amazing experience I have ever felt. Soon after I birthed her, my husband helped me latch her on for the first time. We did it together and it was such a special moment for me. She never left my side. When we got home from the hospital things did get rough. We dealt with issue after issue for the first 4 months. It was painful, frustrating, and emotional, but let me tell you it was completely worth it. I refused to give her bottles. I refused to have any formula in our house. I was determined to nurse my baby girl with my body, and my body alone. I exclusively nursed her (no foods or any other substance) for 9 straight months. Around 10+ months she finally started to show some interest in foods but still to this day she is mostly a boobie baby. Forget about a bottle too. It just goes to show that if you put your mind to something, and want something bad enough, you CAN do it!