I was not raised in a region
where breastfeeding is prevalent. However, after I became pregnant with
my first child, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. I ended up with an
unexpected C-section that derailed my plans for a natural birth. Due to
hospital policies, I was unable to breastfeed my daughter immediately, but once
I was able, she latched on like a champ.
A few days later at home, I
noticed my milk still hadn't come in. My daughter would scream at the
breastfeed and never seemed satisfied. She wasn't having enough wet
diapers and her lips seemed dry. We decided to take her to the hospital and
learned she had lost a significant amount of weight. The nurse told me that she
had lost a considerable amount of weight because she wasn't getting enough to
eat. It crushed me to watch her hungrily gobble down that bottle of formula and
realize that she had been starving. I had home visits from a lactation
consultant, power pumped, and took galactagoges, but my milk supply never
increased. My daughter had also developed a bottle preference. The
pain over losing the birth experience I had envisioned combined with my
inability to successfully breastfeed was very difficult for me to work through. By the time I returned to work at 10 weeks
post-partum, I had given up on breastfeeding completely.
Almost two years later, we were anxiously awaiting the birth
of our son. I wanted to VBAC, but my provider was not supportive. I was very
adamant about wanting to breastfeed and told them I wanted my son as soon as
possible after the surgery. About thirty minutes after the C-section, I was
able to nurse my son. Once home from the hospital, he began exhibiting
the same frustration and dissatisfaction at the breast as his older sister had.
I began supplementing, and thankfully he did not develop a bottle preference.
However, he was a very high needs baby. In addition, my husband was not home
often due to his military career. It became too difficult to care for a two
year old and an infant while keeping up with the vigorous feed then pump
schedule I needed in order to keep what miniscule milk supply I had, so I
gave up.
We conceived our third child
after five years of unexplained secondary infertility. I was older,
wiser, and determined to have the birth that I wanted. In October 2014, I had
an emotionally healing VBA2C with a midwife in a birth center. I was
hoping that the circumstances of this birth would lead to a better
breastfeeding experience. I wanted to be able to exclusively meet all my second
daughter's needs with my milk supply, but I was prepared if that wasn't a
possibility. I had galactagogues already on hand as well as a
supplemental nursing system (SNS) so I could still feed at the breast if I had
to supplement. We had a bumpy start, as my daughter had lip and tongue ties
that needed revision. I started galactagogues immediately and also pumped
whenever possible between feedings. Despite doing all these things, my daughter
was not gaining weight. I worked with an IBCLC, and she showed me how to use
the SNS. It hasn't been easy, and I only meet about half of my daughter's needs
with my milk, but I am proud to say that we have made it 6 months and are still
going strong. I have made peace with our situation. Our nursing relationship may not look as I had always
envisioned, but breastfeeding is about so much more than just the milk. I can
still offer her the closeness and bonding even if I don't make enough milk. My
worth as a mother is not measured in ounces.
No comments:
Post a Comment