My breastfeeding journey began when I was 20. I was young, naive and a new mom. I knew
breastfeeding was what I wanted to do. What I didn't know was that it wasn't as
easy as just holding your baby close to you and letting them do the work.
Three days after I gave birth to my oldest child, my milk
came in - and boy did it. I pumped TWENTY ounces the first time I used a pump.
It was the middle of the night, my aunt had just given birth to her son less
than 48 hours after I gave birth and my mom called her asking if we could head
to my aunt's house to use her pump. I was in pain; it hurt so bad and Connor
wasn't latching because he just couldn't at that point. All of my aunts had
nursed their babies, why wasn't this as easy as it appeared?
My grandmother, one of the most sweetest and selfless people
I know, offered to stay with me and my newborn for a full week when my mom went
back to work. I thought she was crazy. I could do this, he's a baby, and how
hard could it be? (If anyone ever asks if they could stay with you, don't
decline, accept it. Trust me). Almost a full week after he was born, my
grandmother sat next to me on the couch and coached me through nursing. Told me
I could do it, praised me for doing it and never said "I'll just fix him
some formula" when I was struggling. I'm forever thankful for that. Connor
had formula twice in his life. Looking back, he probably didn't need it.
My nursing journey with Connor ended when he was 21 months
old, he pretty much self-weaned due to time away from me while I was at work. I
was ok with that, 21 months is a great run.
Fast forward 8 years later and I have a new son to nurse, a
new challenge, and a new fear of being so full I couldn't rest. Within the
first two weeks of his life, in addition to feeding him on demand, I pumped 100
ounces. And that's even getting through
that 2 week growth spurt that had me so exhausted I couldn't see straight for
two days. I seemed to have forgotten those growth spurts from the first time I
did this. For some reason my body and mind blocked those out. But I did
it. I nursed on demand every 2 hours for 48 straight hours. It made me cranky,
it made me not a pleasant person to have as company but I was determined and I
did it.
A few months later, a friend in need of some milk contacted
me asking for any I could donate. She got those 100 ounces and then some. She
still thanks me, 2 years later, for providing her son with something she was
unable to do. Raleigh, I consider you
part mine, kiddo.
Then came the nurse-in. A friend was told she had to
"do that elsewhere" in a facility that had no problem with women in
swimsuits. Then the debates with my husband started on how - or even if - I
should nurse in public. I was asked to leave the room when we visited
relatives while I was still nursing my oldest. I've missed hot meals, company,
and I’m pretty sure I missed part of Christmas festivities because I was in the
back room nursing. I wasn't going to do that again. I refuse to retreat to the
bathroom, both kids in tow, sit on a toilet, and attempt to nurse. I did that
ONCE with Ethan, and only because we were eating outside and I knew he would be
too hot. Every toilet flushing was a distraction. Every time the hand dryer
turned on, he got distracted. The stall wasn't wide enough for him to sit
across my lap, so that was another challenge. I got back to the table to find
my food cold, the meal almost over and my party ready to leave. I wasn't going
to let that happen again. My husband finally realized that nursing is just
nursing, there's nothing wrong with it. It keeps a fussy baby/child happy and
if someone has an issue with it, that's their demon, not mine.
Ethan turns three in less than a month and is still nursing
a few times a day. While there have been times I have been SOOO tempted to wean
him, I also know that he feels he still needs it. I know I'm judged for nursing
a potty trained, fluently speaking tiny human, but again, that's their issue,
not mine. We do what works for us. Ethan loves his "more nurse" and
rarely falls asleep without it. He knows he gets to spend the night with
Grandpa and Grandma once he can "go night- night without more nurse"
but he's in no hurry to stop and I'm ok with that. Besides, nap and bedtime are
far too easy when he still gets milk drunk and drifts off to sleep.
Breastfeeding a baby is hard,
not going to lie. It's exhausting, between the lack of decent sleep and the
constant burning of calories, it will kick your butt. But knowing your child is
getting the best nutrition possible, it's worth it.
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