Sitting
down to write this brings tears to my eyes. Tears of happiness because my
babies just turned 18 months and they still breastfeed, sometimes; Tears of
heartbreak because my babies only breastfeed sometimes. Then tears of laughter
every time either of them points to my breast or try to pull on my shirt
because they want it now! My breastfeeding journey began many years before I
had my Twinkies. I remember my sister being adamant about breastfeeding her
oldest son Amaury, and thinking “Wow, that is so hard, I don’t think I could do
it.” However, I noticed how in tune he was with her, the cuddles and what a
happy, healthy baby he was and decided it was worth it. Fast forward 14 years,
two IVF treatments later and having that little ultrasound where two little
specks of white and gray and black showed me the first picture of my babies and
right at that moment I decided that I would do everything possible to be able
to breastfeed my babies. I read a lot, I went to a breastfeeding class, I kept
researching during my pregnancy, and no matter how much I read, asked or
reviewed nothing could prepare me for those first few days with my babies.
I almost
gave up. Within the first 20 minutes after Lucas and Samantha had been born I
got my skin to skin with both babies, and it was perfect. I could not have been
any happier or any more clueless. At the hospital, the lactation consultant came
to visit me a couple times a day. She would latch them on, but I couldn’t
replicate it just right. Lucas was born with low blood sugar, so I was told to
supplement with high calorie milk. Samantha was on the threshold, so she needed
to supplement as well. My dear OBGYN, was so kind and supportive and he signed
off on me staying a couple extra days so that I could continue to work with the
Lactation Consultant and be a little more confident once I got home with
breastfeeding. By the fourth day, at the hospital it wasn’t too bad. I had
finally latched on both of them and it felt like it was working. Then we went
home. At home, nothing worked, and every bottle that I prepared with the
supplemental milk made me cry. I had
tried all the possible holds, one baby at a time, both together, letting them
do the crawl to the breast. I just ended up crying, every night. So I did what
I do best, I researched my issues. At least now what I was experiencing was not
hypothetical and I thought I knew what was wrong, but the nights of more tension
and crying went on. Finally I stumbled upon a Lactation Consultant that offered
a latch clinic. I emailed her and connected with her right away. A couple of
days later both my babies were found to have lip and tongue ties. My two
fraternal twins, that are nothing alike, had identical lip ties according to
the LC, and later confirmed by the dentist. We debated about the revision all
of 5 minutes. My husband saw how miserable I and the babies were and we agreed
that it would be beneficial for them even in the long run. This was not only
about breastfeeding.
After the
revision it was much better. I finally fed both babies, and in a matter of
weeks I was able to stop supplementing both babies. My babies became
exclusively breastfed. I was able to continue to breastfeed easily and we have
now made it to 18 months. I still look back at those first few weeks and I
cannot believe how far we’ve come. Breastfeeding allowed me to connect with
both babies at the same time, it gave me the opportunity of feeding them by
myself without having to feed one while the other cried waiting, to nurse them
both to sleep, to soothe them when they are sick or when they fall. My Lucas
still greets me every day with a quick search on my bra for his milk, and
Samantha rarely goes to sleep without it. It has been the most complete
experience of my life.
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